It wasn't until this kinda times where you really pity yourself ( not really , cos' the veges taste nice ! ) and sit down at a corner to ponder about thoughts eh ? About what you've missed out in life , gone through , or .. once there , now gone .

It'll be a long post . Skip if you're not interested , else get yourself a cup of coffee / milo / coke . I've got myself a plate of veges . :D


Since young , it had always been my grandma taking care of me . Until 3 years ago , when she was sent to the old folks home .

After I was born , my mum went overseas to work . My dad had to work too .. So the one spending time with me almost every second of my life is my grandma . Oh ya , I stayed with my grandma as my dad is her youngest son . My grandma had 7 children . 5 sons , 2 daughters . She is awesome . <3

I vaguely remember what had happened 10 years ago . But I can recalled that , when I was at the age of around 8 to 14 , the closest person I was to , is my grandma .

On weekends morning , we would go to the nearby wet market and buy ingredients for lunch . After that we'd have our breakfast at the kopitiam just beside the wet market . No . I mean , I would have breakfast .. She watches me eat . And as usual , she would order 2 plain pratas and a cup of lemon barley for me while i sit there and wait .

After that we'd walk home and she'd sweep and mop the floor . On days when I'm on a happy mood , I would offer her my help . She would smile so sweetly and say in Chinese , " ok la .. since you so obedient , here's $2 . "

I would jump with joy ! Cos' at that time , my pocket money per day was only $1.50 .. Primary school la .. What you expect !?

On weekdays night , I would secretly walk to my grandma's bedroom and watch tv with her . She'd be watching news , but when I enter , she'd change to the channel that I wanna watch . At that time , the show was Meteor Garden , by F4 . After the show ended , my grandma will say goodnight to me , and she'll put a pantie on her head ( new one la ) . Don't ask me why . Maybe people at that time do that for tradition ? The only reason I can think of putting a pantie over your head is to protect you from some evil spells . HAHAHA ..

There's one time when I'm sneaking back to my room after the show ended , I was caught by my mum , she started scolding why am I still awake at this point of time and my grandma defended me . I forgot how , but she did .

Stop laughing bout the panty issue la . Na bei ..

As I grew older , I started to realise that , she actually had a bit of hunchback , walks with a limp on the left leg , and sometimes will find some place to rest her feet after walking only for a short distance . What had happened to the strong grandma ?

Since then , my dad and his brothers hired maid to look after her . As time pass , She couldn't walk anymore .. Till the point where , she couldn't even sit up on the bed without someone helping her .

We hired the first maid , Mary .. She was a lazy bum , who sleeps longer than my grandma , she's rough and uncouth ! I told my dad that Mary ain't good , she's very clumsy and stuffs .. My parents took notice and changed another one .

Ah win .. We called her .. Her name is damn long can ? Around 30 alphabets . We call her by her last name .. Weawin .. But we call her ah win la .. easier .. She's such a nice person . Having to be a maid at the age of 19 ain't easy ok . She's very careful with my grandma , and would sometimes joke with me and my family .. My dad treat her just like another daughter .. She not only took care of my grandma , but me and my lil bro as well ..

But one incident caused her to leave us . I shall not go into details .. Every house got one difficult bible to read .. ( jia jia you ben nan nian de jin .. )

So after she left us , my parents and uncles and aunties came to a final decision .. And that is to send her to old folks home .

WTF !?

I was crying like hell that night .. I think I'm only 16 then .. I mean , I've been living with her for 16 years , and now the adults are suddenly sending her to some prison meant for old people . Hello !? She's taken care of the 7 of you for more than 3/4 of her life , now you just send her to some place and take it as nothing happen ?

I was so filled wth emotions . I know I have no rights to say this at all .. But only living with her for 16 years , I've cried like hell , and that night I can't sleep , the next day I can't even concentrate in class .. What bout you people !? She has taken care of the 7 of you for 30 plus years , 40 ? Some already 50 ..

Now you just sent her to some unknown place and carry on with your life !? Fuck it . That night I was talking to Dom , bout how inhuman the adults were .. But he said , my dad and uncles must have really tried all methods , but all can't work , therefore resorting to the last one , and that is to send her there .. I remembered telling him I don't want her there , I want her to be home with me and I think I cried for 2 hours plus ? I cried till my tears are used up ! How efficient !?

But fuck it .. She still left the next day .

For the first few months after she went there , I visited her almost everyday after school .. I'd bring my homework there and do it while she sleeps . I don't care if she's watching me or sleeping I just wanna be by her side . It's fucking lonely in there . She can't walk so the only thing she does is lie on the bed .. Just imagine , lying on the bed for 20 hours per day . Can you do it ?

I tried , but I can't .. There's once I was so sick , I laid on the bed for 10 hours , but after that I must get up .. The bed will get warm correct not ? Cos' of your body temperature what . So just imagine having to lie on that bed for more than 20 hours a day .. And hello , I'm not talking bout just a day .. She lies on that bed everyday ! And the room was . horrible .. 8 people sharing a room .. If you tio those got lunatics de , at night no need sleep liao .. They're so noisy ..

Na bei . If you don't get it , go live in there for a month . Just a month will do . Everytime I went there , I'd see old folks crying , bout how useless their children were ..

She was once so strong , can carry 2kg of potatoes ( cos' I love to eat them . she's awesome )

Something tugged at my heart when I saw her sleeping so soundly. Tears started to form in my eyes for some reason . For every reason I mean .. my tears well up even when I see a boy sitting at a corner eating bread .. We're talking bout my grandma now , who has showered all of us so much love , attention , care .. How can I not cry !?

I'm used to going back home and seeing her watching tv at the living room .. But now when I reached home , it's a dread feeling .. No people to nag me to bathe , to eat dinner , to do homework ( not as if I have homework now since I'm in poly . ) .. But you get what I mean ..

Dread . Everyday ..

Nowadays even worse . I've been so unfilial .. I realised I haven't visit her for 2 months .. All thanks to my fcked up discipline .. I procrastinate a lot .. It wasn't until CNY when I saw her .. And realized again how much weight she had loss ..

She was so fit last time ok .. but now ..

This picture was taken at my 4th uncle's house . They brought her home for reunion dinner .
She looked so happy ! She smiled but showed no teeth .. I ask her where's her teeth , she say she forgot to wear .. LOL .